


Innapropriate Time for High Fives

by WaltzQueen



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Balance Arc, M/M, TAZ Balance, huge tone jump, magical panic attack, sex comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 19:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11320461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaltzQueen/pseuds/WaltzQueen
Summary: Taako has a magic panic attack and then he receives the worst timed high five in existence





	Innapropriate Time for High Fives

It happens like this.  
Taako's bizzare loose pudding in his pockets isn't  an isolated incident.

  
Taako had originally turned a handful of the Buearu's fancy foaming hand soap into pudding (key lime flavored of course) as a muscle memory reflex left over from his days on Sizzle It Up. When he realized what he had done Taako did what he did best, repress and avoid. Unfortunately, the Director had just asked to see him in her office and walking around with a handful of possibly poisoned soap-turned-key-lime-pudding was going to raise some questions. So he shoved it in his back pocket, as you do, and strode through the moon-base's corridors. It isn't until much later that Taako hears that Carey had taken it upon herself to get a handful of pocket pudding and his heart races even as Magnus laughs. She could have eaten it. She could have died. He starts keeping the Transmutations to his room only.

  
After Refuge and all that went on there, Taako does the soap again. It turns into jiggling, key-lime in his hands and he stares at it a while before dumping it down the sink. Just because a magic cup says some shit doesn't mean these things go away so easily. Taako knew who and what he was, but the cup had said something different, made the world different even if it wasn't the way it wanted to. He steadfastly looks at the pudding seeping through his fingers and not at his reflection in the mirror above.

Taako turns on the sink and washes the pudding down the drain.

  
Taako does this every night for a month. He pumps five and a half handfuls of the Bureau's fancy foaming hand-soap that smells like green apple body spray and turns it into Key Lime pudding. He stares at the pudding, not at himself. Eventually it stops feeling like blood in his hands but never all the way.

  
Taako tries transmuting some chicken one night and saying it doesn't go well is a catastrophic understatement.

The moment the transmutation is complete, he regrets it with every part of his elven body. He transmuted it into pudding, key lime and safe. But the smell is still on his hands. It's on his hands, dear gods. He empties out the soap dispenser and scrubs, not noticing the way it all turns thicker and turns into pudding. He doesn't notice the way things start getting a lot less solid wherever his hands land. He doesn't notice the sink filling up and overflowing onto the floor below, water-turned-pudding puddling around his ankles. Taako most certainly doesn't notice the magic in his hands creeping up the stream of water in the faucet, turning all the water in their part of the residency dome into Key-Lime or the way it starts softening the walls, making them just a bit green. Taako does eventually notice somethings up when the walls of the bathroom collapse into a sodden heap, flooding the Tres Horny Boys' living quarters.  
  
The Director, understandably upset at being woken up at four AM to deal with a pudding incident, stops halfway through asking why and tells them to go back to their old dorm room. The old dorm room is just the way it was when they left it, for the most part. Taako and Magnus jump back into their old bunks with an ease borne of familiarity. Merle is  thankfully planetside for for the next week, meaning he never has to hear about Pudding-gate. (Yeah right. He has as much faith in Magnus keeping this to himself as he does in an apple tree to start growing crabs.)

  
Turns out that Taako's trauma pudding is way more difficult to clean up than was expected. IT simply refused to be transmuted back into the original components and the myriad of magical items floating round in it made it ill-advised, at best, to magic it away. So Magnus and Taako were going to be staying int he dorm for about a week.

  
Taako, magnificent and glorious elf that he is, had Kravitz charmed effortlessly. Their dates went from pottery classes to long walks on the Moon Campus to a bottle of shitty wine and a couple hours of talking in Taako's room. They smooched and held hands and fucked, all that fun stuff.  The privacy of a separate room was a boon that Taako enjoyed and love and completely forgot he didn't have at the moment when Kravitz stopped in one night and Taako's natural ability to make people around him super horny inevitably took effect.

 

  
Going through Pringle's stuff was kind of a shitty thing to do, but Magnus justified it to himself that he was practicing his rouge skills, completely ignoring the fact that roguery required to person you're stealing from to be there. Besides, those potions were going to go bad eventually. Someone had to use them.

  
Magnus sat on the top bunk with three bottles of potion lined up in front of him. Pringles had never labeled his stuff and Magnus had rolled a two on his arcana check so he had no idea what these were exactly, but he had a feeling that they were probably not poison. If he thought about it he would have realized the folly of drinking unlabeled potions, but that arcana check had taken up most of his patience and Magnus picked the one on the right and chugged it. For point two seconds Magnus saw dark shapes with bright white eyes. And then he barely had enough energy to draw a blanket over his head as he fell the fuck asleep.

  
When he woke up, Magnus had the groggy feeling attributable only to waking from a ten year coma and really shitty sleeping potions. His body was fine but his eyes kept trying to close and send him back to sleep. Magnus only had the barest sense of awareness to figure out that A) something had woken him up and B) he should probably find out what it was before going back to sleep. Then he registered noise and movement. It was a very loud noise and a very particular type of movement. You know the kind.

  
Magnus, bleary and on a streak of making bad choices, leaned over the edge of the bunk bed and looked down just to clarify that, yes, Taako was being rammed through the mattress not five feet away from him. He couldn't see the face of the other person through the curtain of sweaty hair, but he didn't need to know. Not knowing would make it easier to forget he ever saw this. Some part of his brain recognized that hair style but he firmly smushed it back down. Magnus was about to go back to sleep when he noticed one of Takko's arms was slung over who-ever's shoulders, meaning his hand was just hanging open in the air.

  
In a stunning moment of bravery and sheer, unimaginable foolishness, Magnus swung his arm out and high-fived Taako.

 

If he had stayed awake, Magnus would have seen Taako's eyes fly open with surprise. He would have seen Taako's hand sweep the hair away from Kravitz's face. He also would have seen the elegant elven middle finger Taako extended his way before pulling his hand down to get a better grip on his boyfriend. However, Magnus simply saw the inside of his eyelids and dreamt of Raven's Roost.

**Author's Note:**

> This is your Magnus  
> This is your Magnus on Pringles' potions
> 
> Taako's magic panic attack starts acting like the Philospher's stone, his grand relic.


End file.
